The Role of Jon Will No Longer Be Played By Jon

Dear TLC,
I can't tell you how much I've cried since(for like days.. although it was announced like an hour ago) I heard Jon Gosselin was being dropped from HIS show Jon and Kate Plus 8. I mean seriously? How do you lose your job of playing YOU. This is like Webster losing the role of Webster. Darth Vader losing the role of Darth Vader.. you get the point. And to top it all off, Jon is half asian (korean). Maybe mainstream American isn't ready for an asian guy wearing Ed Hardy t-shirts. Maybe they aren't ready for an asian man being a slut and sleeping around with every chick he sees (I actually idolizes him for that.. my man!)  Instead, America has spoken and Kate will now star in her very own reality TV show.. Stargate... oh wait, that's the nickname of her vagina... But man... People just can't handle progress. That's really what it is. Asian guys use to "stick around" even when their wives were whores, or when they treated them like shit. Hell, even if an asian guy's wife stabbed him, we would of stuck around. But not anymore.. Jon is like our Rosa Parks. He said, "Fuck that bitch! I'm leaving... Time to dip my cookie in some milk!" And now, the Montgomery Bus System(ahem) I mean TLC is putting him down. That's progress for ya.

Sincerely,
Quiet Asian Man

Yes, Why IS it?

Oh yeah! We love Vera!

Oh snap... do my eyes deceive me? Team Yellow shoots... he scores!!! Definitely check out the film Never Forever cause Vera Farmiga totally gets with this dude. I think Vera just shot up to the top of the charts with this role. Move over Lauren Holly.

Anyway, in short, this movie is about Vera cheating on her husband and exploring the erotic, amazingly sexy, best thing you ever had love from some Korean dude. (oh and there's nudity) Just to confirm it really happened... they do it a lot more.

You see that ladies... GET WITH THIS!

Nooo, Bob... Not My Barack!

Dear President Obama,
While hanging laundry one night.. yes, cause that's when Jimmy Kimmel was on... I heard something I didn't expect to hear from my Barack. When I heard, I collapsed on the floor and sobbed like a baby on my backyard's freshly cut grass. At the moment Egg Shen runs in the yard and embraces me as I cry out.. "NOT MY BARACK..... WHY EGG.. NOT BARACK...."

Then I realized.. it's like that scene in La Bamba.



Sincerely,
Quiet Asian Man

I Thought THIS Was So 2 Years Ago!

Dear Katherine Heigl,
I'm guessing this TREND is still going on. Really? I thought we were done with this shit when Jolie stopped. Does she match your outfits? I mean I guess every kid should have a parent but man... remember when you can just walk down the street and adopt a kid from a local orphanage? You know like, pick one filthy kid from a cast of dozens, take that street rat home, and maybe... just maybe he'll get a job at an aquarium and rescue a killer whale. That shit. Nooooow everyone wants an Africaaaaan Baby.. or an Asiaaaaan baby. Let me just tell you this.... babies of other colors can also become nurses, engineers, doctors, or accountants. Oh and that honor crap.. that's bullshit. If you really wanted an asian baby to spend money on, to hug and caress, to take a bath with without the hubby....and breast feed.... I know somebody willing to play "yellow baby" baby! (how you doin!) I'm into the kinky shit!

So yeah, consider that offer. (riff raff, street rat.. I don't buy that.. if only they'd look closer.. would they see a poor boy... no sirrie..) Great, now you got me singing.

Sincerely,
Quiet Asian Man

Eurasian? How about ALL Asian?

Dear Hollywood,

I am a frequent traveller of the New York City Subway system. Because it's always SO timely, I have quiet a bit of time to check out the new billboards on the walls at and I noticed an ad for a new medical drama (because there aren't enough of those out there) featuring three individuals- a white male, a white female and HOLY CRAP IS THAT AN ASIAN MAN? Not quite. I went home and did a little research and it turns out he's only half. Mr. Daniel Henny is only half Korean. Basically show stars two and a half white people. And not to knock Mr. Henny's looks, because he is a handsome man no doubt, but when is Hollywood finally going to take that leap of faith and let one of my fine looking 100% Asian brothers other than Hollywood's sweetheart John Cho star in one of your TV shows? When I ask? When?

Regards,

Quiet Asian Man

Yeah... this is accurate..

Dear Mickey Rooney,
I'm sure you got enough flak for this role in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Seriously man.. you could of at least made Mr. Yunioshi a lot more sexier....

Sincerely,
Quiet Asian Man

The Times They Are A Changin'

Dear Deborah Gibson,
Words cannot describe the joy I have felt when I saw your career defining film Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. Let me just say your role was groundbreaking along the lines of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. I mean seriously, how often does an asian brother get the opportunity to hook up with a beautiful blonde. This was like Monsters Ball groundbreaking.

Anyway this incident should teach us all that only good can come from this jungle fever-like hookup. I mean, if you didn't bang that dude in the closet, you probably would of never come to formulate such an awesome plan to save the world. Anyway, keep doing what you do and hopefully that gold statue will show up on your mantle.

Sincerely,
Quiet Asian Man

That's Right! Date an Asian!

Date an Asian from Jen Kwok on Vimeo.

Oh snap!

Once again, our favorite non-asian gets his own show. Say what??

Ladies! GET WITH THIS!

Everything in this video screams sexy!